Most days I wish I was better at climbing. Even on the days I happen to send, I often secretly wish I was topping out something harder, not just for the V points or glory, but because breaking into V8 and 5.13 would allow me to send–or at least productively hang-dog–so many amazing routes. Now you might think this would motivate me to begin a 6-week power-endurance training cycle or finally learn to haul myself up a campus board, but most days my true inner feelings are:

Screw the method, the climb, the journey, the struggle to the top, and every other cliche “it’s about the journey not the end result” saying: I want results. Now.

Basically I want to magically get better at climbing. Here’s why:

ONE: Sending is fun and an amazing feel-good ego boost. Not sending is less fun and harder on the ego.

TWO: Training sucks. It’s hard. And I’ve never had anywhere near as much fun destroying my abs on the TRX as I do climbing outside.

THREE: I might have a chance at scoring an Enormocast interview.

FOUR: I’d have significantly more Instagram followers if I could post rad pictures of me sending 5.14.

FIVE: Sponsors. Who doesn’t like free stuff? But who is going to sponsor a 5.12-draw-pulling champion? No one.

SIX: I’ve gotten bored of my current plateau.

SEVEN: It’s way cooler to be the girl flashing 5.13c on the gym’s overhung lead wall than the girl top rope flailing on the all-pink 5.12b.

EIGHT: Building a training schedule is time consuming. I’d rather not.

NINE: I’d finally have a few good #moonboard videos.

TEN: Life is short, so why not tick off as many hard routes/problems as possible?