It’s 2018, which means two things:
1. I can’t date anything correctly, and
2. Tis the season for New Year’s Resolutions.
Classic Resolution 1: “I’m going on a diet.”*
*Also known as: “I’m cutting out sugar/bread/carbs/sweets/chocolate” and/or “I’m trying to lose 5+ pounds to send my spring projects.”
TRANSLATION: I’m going to begin the year by eating a lot of chicken salads, not eating a lot of weird veggies I find at Sprouts, and still enjoying post-climbing beers and nachos every weekend.
Classic Resolution 2: “I’m going to start training.”
Also known as: “I’m going to start this training plan,” and/or “I’m going to get in shape for climbing.”
TRANSLATION: I’m going to attempt to do a few workouts, but will abandon them when they reset the cave and my plan says it’s legs day. Or: I’m going to start doing 5 minutes of abs after every indoor bouldering session.
Classic Resolution 3: “This is the year I’m going to send 5.13a.”
Also known as: “I’d like to break through my current plateau.”
TRANSLATION: I wish I climbed harder. (Note, this is not a resolution, it’s something you’d like to happen.)
Classic Resolution 4: “I’m going to climb outside more this year.”
TRANSLATION: “The thought of climbing more this spring/summer/fall is lovely. But it’s January, so I won’t be leaving the gym.”
Classic Resolution 5: “I’m going to stop drinking.”
Also known as: “No more beer in 2018.” “I was hungover on Jan. 1 and not drinking was the first resolution that came to mind.” “I need to lose weight for my project, so goodbye beer gut.”
TRANSLATION: No more buying grocery store beers on Monday nights, but post-send beers are okay, as are summit brews and Saturday night post-cragging microbrewery stops.
Classic Resolution 6: “I’m still in middle or high school and attempting to better myself in the middle of the school calendar year seems weird. What about a summer or fall 2018 resolution?”
TRANSLATION: I’m a kid crusher, and I probably don’t need to make a New Year’s resolution to continue flashing everyone’s projects.
What are you resolving to change this year?
Photo Credits: Chris Grabski and Kris Ugarriza.