Classic (Climbing) New Year’s Resolutions & What They Really Mean

It’s 2018, which means two things:
1. I can’t date anything correctly, and
2. Tis the season for New Year’s Resolutions.



Classic Resolution 1: “I’m going on a diet.”*

*Also known as: “I’m cutting out sugar/bread/carbs/sweets/chocolate” and/or “I’m trying to lose 5+ pounds to send my spring projects.”

TRANSLATION: I’m going to begin the year by eating a lot of chicken salads, not eating a lot of weird veggies I find at Sprouts, and still enjoying post-climbing beers and nachos every weekend.

Classic Resolution 2: “I’m going to start training.”

Also known as: “I’m going to start this training plan,” and/or “I’m going to get in shape for climbing.”

TRANSLATION:  I’m going to attempt to do a few workouts, but will abandon them when they reset the cave and my plan says it’s legs day. Or: I’m going to start doing 5 minutes of abs after every indoor bouldering session.

Classic Resolution 3: “This is the year I’m going to send 5.13a.”

Also known as: “I’d like to break through my current plateau.”

TRANSLATION:  I wish I climbed harder. (Note, this is not a resolution, it’s something you’d like to happen.)

Classic Resolution 4: “I’m going to climb outside more this year.”

TRANSLATION: “The thought of climbing more this spring/summer/fall is lovely. But it’s January, so I won’t be leaving the gym.”

Classic Resolution 5: “I’m going to stop drinking.”

Also known as: “No more beer in 2018.” “I was hungover on Jan. 1 and not drinking was the first resolution that came to mind.” “I need to lose weight for my project, so goodbye beer gut.”

TRANSLATION: No more buying grocery store beers on Monday nights, but post-send beers are okay, as are summit brews and Saturday night post-cragging microbrewery stops.

Classic Resolution 6: “I’m still in middle or high school and attempting to better myself in the middle of the school calendar year seems weird. What about a summer or fall 2018 resolution?”

TRANSLATION: I’m a kid crusher, and I probably don’t need to make a New Year’s resolution to continue flashing everyone’s projects.

What are you resolving to change this year?

Photo Credits: Chris Grabski and Kris Ugarriza.

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