A Short List of Things You Should Never Top with Peanut Butter

‘I love peanut butter on everything.’ And what I really mean by that is ‘I love peanut butter on everything except’:

  1. Tuna Fish — no PB and T sandwiches for this kid pleez
  2. Green bean casserole
  3. Green beans in general
  4. Lasagna
  5. Ravioli
  6. Chicken Parm
  7. Really anything involving marinara sauce
  8. Broccoli
  9. Creamed Corn
  10. Fried eggs
  11. Scrambled eggs
  12. Watermelon
  13. My pants (only happens every time)
  14. Upholstery
  15. Sleeping bags (’cause midnight snacks while camping)
  16. The inside of your backpack (How do the oils only seep out of the jar when they’re in a pack?!?!)
  17. The front of your puffy
  18. The sleeve of your puffy
  19. Your favorite crop top
  20. The roof of your mouth
  21. Sneakers
  22. Climbing shoes (see #16 above)
  23. Deodorant (don’t ask)
  24. Armpits — please no!
  25. Bike seats — hasn’t happened yet; don’t want it to in the future
  26. Your friend’s beer
  27. Your beer
  28. My face
  29. Keyboards
  30. Car keys
  31. Windshields
  32. Bike chains; turns out, it’s not the same thing as WD-40
  33. Cam lobes–use cam lube for that one
  34. Speaking of lube…yeah no
  35. The back of my neck
  36. Hair
  37. Your yoga mat (also my yoga mat)
  38. The crux hold on my proj (Pro tip: use a spoon, not your fingers, when you’re at the crag)
  39. Pets, unless they get gum stuck in their hair, then PB helps
  40. Your significant other (without asking first)

I could go on, but the title promised this list would be short. Turns out the list of things that you should top with PB is likely shorter….and don’t get me started on almond butter, ’cause that list is essentially the same.

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