‘I love peanut butter on everything.’ And what I really mean by that is ‘I love peanut butter on everything except’:

1. Tuna Fish — no PB and T sandwiches for this kid pleez
2. Green bean casserole
3. Green beans in general
4. Lasagna
5. Ravioli
6. Chicken Parm
7. Really anything involving marinara sauce
8. Broccoli
9. Creamed Corn
10. Fried eggs
11. Scrambled eggs
12. Watermelon
13. My pants (only happens every time)
14. Upholstery
15. Sleeping bags (’cause midnight snacks while camping)
16. The inside of your backpack (How do the oils only seep out of the jar when they’re in a pack?!?!)
17. The front of your puffy
18. The sleeve of your puffy
19. Your favorite crop top
20. The roof of your mouth
21. Sneakers
22. Climbing shoes (see #16 above)
23. Deodorant (don’t ask)
24. Armpits — please no!
25. Bike seats — hasn’t happened yet; don’t want it to in the future
26. Your friend’s beer
27. Your beer
28. My face
29. Keyboards
30. Car keys
31. Windshields
32. Bike chains; turns out, it’s not the same thing as WD-40
33. Cam lobes–use cam lube for that one
34. Speaking of lube…yeah no
35. The back of my neck
36. Hair
37. Your yoga mat (also my yoga mat)
38. The crux hold on my proj (Pro tip: use a spoon, not your fingers, when you’re at the crag)
39. Pets, unless they get gum stuck in their hair, then PB helps
40. Your significant other (without asking first)

I could go on, but the title promised this list would be short. Turns out the list of things that you should top with PB is likely shorter….and don’t get me started on almond butter, ’cause that list is essentially the same.