A Brief List of My Worst Climbing Snacks Ever

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There are a billion “10 Best Sending Foods” articles out there. Here’s what not to do:

Eat free expired bagels with Nutella. Nutella is rarely a mistake, but free expired bagels are free for multiple reasons, most notably their intense dryness. Nutella did not make them less dry.

Wet cheese sandwiches will not make you sick, but they’re not good either. Why was my sandwich damp? Turns out cheese does not fair well in sunny summer conditions, resulting in it “sweating” out some of its oils. Not the most appetizing snack.

Pack a “Handful O Bars.” Meal replacement bars do not live up to their name. They’re rarely even good snacks. I’ve learned that I’d rather starve till dinner than eat them while climbing — which somehow makes them even worse than the wet cheese sandwich above. They also don’t fair well in cold or warm environments.

Free range backpack bananas. Perhaps if I had a banana saver and/or didn’t stuff my already overly ripe bananas into a backpack which I then stuffed into a crash pad everything would be fine, but I tend to eat some scarily squished black fruit every time I pack them.

Bring a salad bouldering. Who wants to eat leafy greens when they’re gearing up to try hard? Not me. I forget most of what I ate while climbing in Bishop two Decembers ago, except for the discount Von’s salad I regretted packing.

Fact: An almost PB&J is not as good as a PB&J. In a moment of desperation, I once tried to make a PB&J with bread, peanuts and jelly. It did not work as well as I’d hoped. It also required way more jelly than I wanted to eat.

What do I never regret bringing?
 – Peanut butter.
– Cookies.
– Cookies crumbled up and added to jars of peanut butter.
– Gummy candy.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. keithnoback says:

    Are you sure that you are not an alpinist? You seem to have seen some obviously bad ideas through to the bitter end.

    Like

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